It scares me that I've run out of title ideas.

So many times there are moments when I feel how different my life would have been if certain incidents hadn’t happened. The ‘incidents’ vary every time. Most of the time I wish I had met somebody at a later or earlier point in my life. This time it’s a little different. I don’t claim to be a sanctimonious love-it-all, but never have I wished I’d not met a person. Even the most negative character in my life has been someone who at one point was a source of great joy and entertainment. This is the first time I wish I had never met someone.
And the worst part is, this person is not in the least the kind of person I would in, other circumstances, want to eschew from my life altogether. Its more a form of hopelessness, on my part. Like – ‘What’s the point of meeting this person?’
As seen from recent posts, certain relationships in my life have been time bombs waiting to self-destruct, except I wasn’t aware of impending explosion. And also seen from much less recent posts, I’ve also been prone to plenty of infatuations. None of them have lasted any length of time probably because I tire very easily. Most of them were very nice guys who, maybe given time or any hint of my emotions, would probably have made something happen. But.. there was no time and the ‘emotions’ disappeared very quickly.
I don’t know what the point of this post is. I just want to get some things off my chest.
Anyway one of those infatuations was a guy named K. He was so perfect. He played ball, he played the guitar, and he was tall, dark and handsome to boot! Anyway it was just an infatuation. And then voila, he asked me out! Maybe because it was the first time a guy took me to actual dates (before dates just constituted a walk in the playground), talked to me for hours on end (I had just got my phone!) and most of all – sang to me(for the first time, ever!), I fell hard. The fact that there were so many things about me that I didn’t have to explain because he knew all of it much before he asked me out, must have also figured high. None of it was conscious. Anyway it was not a very sensible relationship. I wasn’t mature enough to know he wasn’t mature enough. Familial disapproval, infidelity and insensitivity wrecked the shaky ship finally. I got over it, moved on, although I took a very long time. And now after almost two years, I find myself thinking about him very often. Still this is not the point.

At this point in my life when I have finished with one degree and moving onto the next, as clichéd as it sounds, I find myself at crossroads. There are not just two paths, but around four or five from which I have to choose. And I have just around a month to choose.

Oh, and as for the person I wish I’d never met? I think that’s the closest I will ever come to finding so much of myself in another person. And that’s why I wish I’d never had to face that. Because when I see myself reflected back in so much intensity – I realize what I could have been – in other circumstances.