A month!
A whole month without blogging.
and just after my blog became a year old too!
Well.. saying 'I've been busy' would be an understatement. I looked at my blogger profile a minute ago. It's so messy. I have four blogs!! FOUR. What does that say of me? That I'm obsessed? or that I manage to overdo everything to such an extent that I tire very easily? The truth is.. I got tired of blogging way back in October. but I kept at it.
I hate mosquitoes. They serve no purpose whatsoever.
I hate being tied down to any relationship. even if that is friendship. Why should any relationship I have, exist out of a feeling of obligation rather than an actual want on my part?
Why should a commitment for a month mean a commitment for a year?
Why can't parents understand their children?
Why do fathers know when their daughters have cried?
Why do people you barely know touch you in some deep way you dont understand?
Why do I wish I'd never told anyone about this blog?
Why do I find no meaning in living the way I'm living now?
Why should it mean anything to me after so much of crap?
Why do I not know if it means anything to me, in the first place?
Why do I have so many unanswered, unspeakable questions?
Sigh.
I hope no one reads this post.
I'd rather not deal with the complications that come out of personally knowing a majority of my readers. Its so easy to run away from everything.
Its so easy to run away from the realization that valentine's day didnt hurt me as much as I thought it would. Because if I have to face that realization, it means I have to also realize that I'm out of depression. If I'm not depressed.. then I have to lose all the weight I gained from sympathy eating.
If I want to lose weight.. I need to first deal with the fact that I'm not actually eating much of anything nowadays and the truth is food nauseates me. Then I need to also deal with the fact that not one soul other than me has realized that I'm not eating anything. not my parents. not my family. not my friends. and I dont even make an effort to lie or cover up.
Complex shit.
Thursday, February 15, 2007
Revival.. hopefully..
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2 comments:
I was here. And I've spoken.
May you rest in peace.
Blah.
All my love,
SG.
Why do I get the impression that you tend to overdo things, maybe think too much and sometimes even, I dare say, strive, to complicate things? Give simplicity a chance perhaps? Well, just my thought.
Oh and by the way, I hope you do remember me! Though I won't be surprised if you don't :)
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