36% Abnormal

You Are 36% Abnormal

You are at low risk for being a psychopath. It is unlikely that you have no soul. You are at medium risk for having a borderline personality. It is somewhat likely that you are a chaotic mess. You are at medium risk for having a narcissistic personality. It is somewhat likely that you are in love with your own reflection. You are at medium risk for having a social phobia. It is somewhat likely that you feel most comfortable in your mom's basement. You are at medium risk for obsessive compulsive disorder. It is somewhat likely that you are addicted to hand sanitizer.

How Abnormal Are You?

A twisted world

Sms-ing.
Is that even a proper word ?
I have no clue. Don’t even want to find out.
But one thing I surely do know – it’s my saving grace.
I keep in touch with everyone all the time.

Its jus so damn useful that I don know why my dad goes mad, when I sms or msg in front of him. He says I look like some sort of alien creature – bent over my mobile, head down, fingers moving faster than he can see and all accompanied by that irritating, click… click… clickclickclick… clickclick.

Well I suppose… looking at it from an objective point of view – it probably is kinda irritating. But I really don think I can survive without my phone. Another thing is that it has improved my typing speed on the keyboard. I think its got to do with faster brain to finger co-ordination.

Today has been a day of mixed feelings, emotions and happenings.

First…
I was supposed to go to college late. I wasn’t feeling well and was sleeping late. Then I realise that the faint dream like ache in my middle was not just a numb nerve… my stomach was friggin hurting so bad I could’t get up. Literally. Could not stand up. It was apparently the result of some strong antibiotics which were supposed to have cured my cough by morning.

So I decide not to go to college. Then I remember all my responsibilities and duties, groan… but still don’t go…
Go thru some seriously nerve racking freaks inflicted on me by my friends at coll. We haven’t submitted this assignment, we’re gonna get screwed for that. You would think that my already-heavily-tried nerves should be used to my hyper-ness.

Anyway, after all that,
I realise, that my sister was home, from the sudden bawling in the other room. Sudden peace prompts me to go see what my frightful sibling is upto. She is biting something blue and white and staring hypnotised at the tv. Curiously, I look at her, my eyes zooming in onto the thing she’s biting and … It’s a Livestrong band!!! What can be more surprising than that. And irritating too. When mine is no longer in one piece. I mean, she doesn’t know what it is, doesn’t understand the concept, has her teeth around it, and it doesn’t even fit her!!! … lol… then I see mummy coming, so I retire to my room, not before noticing something else… well !!! Wouldn’t you know it!!! guess who laughed at my stupidity and idiotic fashion sense in wearing a single anklet on one leg alone two weeks ago, and is at this very moment doing the same thing? Ya you’re right… (Anyway, the difference between us lies in the style. You see, mine is a cute bead thing that comes single, whereas hers, I would love to bet a million dollars, is half of a silver pair that looks good only together…)

Ha ha ha!!! Now, that is what I call ‘imitation’ or do I mean ‘hypocrisy’?
Oh!!! What will I do with all these fan followers of mine?
Ok. You don have to give that huge collective groan. I know my limits.

Whatever…So when I start thinking my life is upside down, and call up to forewarn my friend, M, that I will die of boredom, she updates me on what’s been happening in college and thankfully all the assignment problems have been postponed, successfully to a hopefully distant tomorrow. (I often end up contemplating when the fuse is going to burn out, and everything – all my mistakes, my procrastinations, my wrongdoings, basically – will just blow up in my face)

Then as I settle down to browse through some other blogs (a nice habit which is growing on me), ya. You guessed it. A message. From M. And what does it say?
“V is here”
Well… wasn’t that enough to make my day? (sorry M, that you had to be the bearer of bad news, and that I rave and rant the way I do and that you have to listen to all my bull shit. Sorry, and thanks, babe. How do you put up with me ?)

For those of you who haven’t caught on yet, V happens to be my ex. Ha ha.
Now you must be wondering why I’m ranting about this, that it’s a good thing I’m not there where he is.
Look. I’m not perfect. (Why should I be?) like any other dump-ee, I feel the urge to run into him someday somewhere and make him realise that I’m doing perfectly good without him.
Does this mean that I am not over him? - no. I am.
Does this mean that I am still mad at him? – of course, I am.
What is worse is that he apparently did see me once and I didn’t even notice him. Hah! I do not regret that except for the fact that I actually didn’t notice him and therefore have been derived of the pleasure of ignoring him. (To all my concerned and long suffering friends, don’t stone me, I will not refer to him or his doings hereafter.)

Anyway coming to the climax of the day, just as I had decided that it was pretty much a darned lousy day, something unexpectedly nice happens to me.

If you look back, and think, or read as the case maybe, I had mentioned a friend – a good friend who I had a fight with, which was never resolved. Well, we were not on talking terms, and I felt so guilty about the whole thing, and missed her a LOT. Well, she msged me today. I am so happy about it. I cannot expect things to go back to how they were, but I can’t stop myself from hoping. P- if you are reading this… please forget all the shit I said. I’m very sorry. It won’t happen again.

So basically today was a melange of bad and nice. And while the nicest of them all, is still in my memory, and before anything bad can happen (considering its only 3 in the afternoon, that is quite possible), I’m going to stop. For once, on a good note.

I have got some errands to run, by the way.
Hope you had a nice day too.

Toodles.
Ciao.
Siyanora.
Bye.

PS – the other blog, by the way has been deleted. So there!!!

A different kind of post

hey.. some extreeeeemely cute pics i found...

prayers and future plans

hmm... i just read nina's blog.
well...

this is what she’d written on the last line of her latest post...

'prayer...prayer...is it a futile thing we developed to make us feel better or does it actually work?'

I wonder... i really wonder...
I don't profess to be a very religious person, and i don't think i need to be, but i do remember praying as far as my un-trustable memory goes back. And reading the bible. I think everyone prays all the time. All those times when we think – ‘please please let it happen.’

For me, though I don go to church, I cannot think of a single day at least in the recent past, when I haven’t asked somebody up there to help me out.

And to those interested, the reason why I don’t go to church is because, I don’t believe that it makes any sense to revere a place so much as to believe that you can reach god only from there. Besides no regular church goer, has ever given me an explanation which has satisfied me. My mother just stops short of an argument every time we start talking about religion and her avid beliefs. And that is so irritating. Considering that I love to argue…

Okay. Enough of that.

So what have I been up to? I have been hanging out with friends almost every day and it’s a great wonder to them how I still find each day a drag.

Am at home, now, obviously because I am blogging. My grandmom had a fall some time back. She’s in the hosp, right now. She fractured her hip bone and she needs to have an operation. I think its going to be today. They keep changing the time and so I don’t know if it will be held today after all. I am freaked and that’s why I am blogging and reading blogs and trying to stay out of everyone’s way. They’ve all left to the hospital. I couldn’t go because I have a cold and chances of infection, etc.. it’s a good thing I didn’t go, though, I don’t do well in hospital situations and can’t handle them at all. I would have just been tripping over myself and looking harried and feeling extremely tensed and making everyone else tense too. worried though. Please pray…

Ok… read another blog just now. (I love mozzilla firefox, its been so long since it was first installed but I still marvel at the new tab option. Cos I just can’t stand having too many windows open at the same time and yet want to open so many sites at the same time)

Clicked the next blog option on the window… cool blog. Here it is...
Check it out. Posted a comment. Very unlike me. but still chumma…

Typed in all the articles I could for the eng journal. Tough tough job, being an editor. And yet I don’t know… I think I kinda like it.

Checked out hi5. again. Its so boring. I won’t elaborate on it.

Talked to my dad, the day before yesterday. Long serious talk. In the hospital canteen. About my plans for the future. (groan) I don’t know. I said maybe MSc Viscom in Loyola. The truth is I think I’m kind of losing interest in journalism. Still love writing but reporting for a paper - I don’t know. But I definitely want to stay within the media framework. Mostly will take up advertising. Talked to my dad about going abroad. He said fine, as long as I want to go to study and not just for the sake of going abroad. Well. He told me to atart looking for places, if I was serious. And NID – he wasn’t very happy about that. Said it was too specific. He’s not at all happy about me changing lines, on the whole. But he knows I will do what I want to. So I think he kind of just gave up arguing as hopeless. That is not to say he wasn’t interested, he was. He kept lecturing me (what’s new?) but it was all what I needed to hear, so it was ok.

Haven’t had a thing to eat. My stomach is grumbling. Going to retire to sit in front of the tv and have some hopefully still hot dosa. Considering everyone left a long time ago, I would say that that hope is bound to be empty.

Oh hey… Empty Hope… that sounds good… maybe I’ll write a poem...lol..

See ya
Ciao.

A stressful fortnight

Its been a while since I posted… its kind of been … I won’t say busy... lets just say a bit stressing out… Since my last post, I have had so many mood swings and fights, done so many stupid things, said all sorts of wrong things to the wrong people, and right things to the right people, been very good, and very very bad, and thought about so many things that it seems like much more than just 13 days. I cried in class, and that too, about my upcoming deadlines, and projects and assignments that are going nowhere... need I say more ? Boo hoo...

There are so many assignments, so much responsibilities, I don’t think I will be able to last much more time.. not at all in a mood to post. But still don wanna stop so abruptly but am going to...

<-- This is a pic from the promises post which I worked on in photoshop... gimme your comments…

About Anna

To all my faithful blog readers...
(i hope there are at least some)
and all my classmates, friends and family...

I have created a Quiz about me called About Anna
if interested take it... its anonymous, anyway so i'll never know who said what...
ciao
...

ps- i know i'm totally jobless.. you must be wondering.. a blog, a quiz, what next ?
We never know what tomorrow will bring...
;)

Lessons learnt... 2005

This post was to be published on 3.1.06 but there was some problem with republishing...

23.12.05
24.12.05
25.12.05
26.12.05
27.12.05
28.12.05
29.12.05
30.12.05
31.12.05
1.1.06
2.1.06

And just like that, Christmas and new year's day has passed by. Every year, i go through this phase of making un-keepable resolutions. Its a waste of time and effort because i know for sure that they are not going to be kept. Some of my more repetitive resolutions have been to lose weight in a month, stay way from cheese and oil and butter and all fattening things, writing a diary continuously, try to curb my reading habit to an acceptable limit, and so on... but the problem with all of the resolutions i make is that i always add a 'try'. which gives me a loophole when i judge myself... 'well, i did try...', i think to my guilty self- which instantly makes me feel better.
this new year has started with me listing out a whole new set of priorities because my old ones have become, as they say in the wide world, anulled.
I don't want to lose weight- i think i'm thin enough.
Therefore i don't want to stay away from fatty food- a relief to my always hungry, suffering-from-hostel-food stomach.
I am maintaining a blog-an online equivalent of a diary or the closest i can get to it.
My reading habit is not something i ever had a problem with- it was always other people who tried to convince me that i was reading too much, and the guilty puss that i am, i always fall for their admonitions. This time there was no such coercive person...

My new list of priorities has evolved from a totally new situation.
This year i want to make as many friends as possible.
Get into contact with my old ones.
Party a lot(this term is a very subjective one. considering I haven't partied much, it just means more than last year anyway) - mainly booze- i am NOT the dance-till-you-drop kinds.
Convince my dad to let me become me. its complicated. i guess i want him to 'let me go'. its gonna be a tough job - he's holding onto me as fast as a jellyfish and it stings just as much.
Earn some(any amount) of money.
And so on.

College, this last year has been an eye opener.
I've realised you can slog and slog in a group project and still not be credited until you actually go and pull the credit from the pseudo-namesake.
That cut-copy-paste doesn't work with all teachers.
That there are cold-blooded teachers who will actually give 2/25 for an average assignment just because it was submitted late.
Hail Pinty !!!
That all those late entries eventually build up into a humongous, crucial piece of missing attendence.
That exams can be written and passed without much studying if you know how to blabber.
That photography is subjective and too much of looking thru a camera lens can leave you always 'framing a composition' of whatever you see.
That a slap might become a termination.
That a class can become a union.
That culturals will become politics.
That becoming the editor is easy and lovely but actually running behind people for articles is a tiresome job.

Also, other than college;
That too many concerned, well-meaning friends -> too much advice -> confusion of the first order.
That promises are made to be broken.
That 'men are bastards' (no offence to those rare non-bastard men out there)
That you can be the best of friends and still not completely like each other.
That a harsh word can hang like a sharp knife between two good friends. And that the bitter taste of losing a good friend will never go away.
That you often get what you give.
That it takes a lot for me to get drunk.
That a poem cannot be forcibly written.
That a heartfelt letter will be laughed at by one insensitive jerk or another.
That fear of the future is not a good enough motivation to plan ahead.

I think thats enough - some of 2005's lessons to me.
The most important of them being -

"DON'T EVER TRUST A GUY WHO SEEMS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE."

Although my friend, Nina, might want to correct me and say "don't ever trust a guy. period." :)

Anyway...
enough for now. tired of all the remembering...
Ciao.

And to all my friends and everybody else.. Please feel free to post your comments...