Insipid-ness

I feel old. And I know that its NOT because my birthday is 'nigh'. There are still four more months to go till that horror.
So I promised Raga I'd make a public blog. But I've been thinking. WTF? - With a few edits, this blog could become public. Its so much a part of me that I would feel guilty to start another one. Sigh. I wonder what it feels like to be motivated. To be driven.
Ellu's like that. He talks to me about it a lot. Why dont you do this or that? You have so many ideas, blah blah.. Its a little scary when someone who knows you for such a short time seems to have so much faith in what you can do. But honestly.. Its not just about drive or doing squat.
I feel lethargy settling down on me like a cosy blanket that feels warm and comfortable until it starts to suffocate the life out of my hum-drum life. Wait. Scratch that. My life is not hum-drum. Far from it. I am doing my PG degree, am acting in a play after years and years, taking part in competitions, blogging regularly after months.
Ooooh. Blogging regularly never is a good sign for me. Neither is my low attendance in college. I'll figure something out as soon as I get my food. The delivery guy has been standing at the door for the last five minutes. But my wallet's in the next room. Sigh.

Almost.

And thus..
two years after I started blogging, 2 posts before I reach a 100, I think its safe to declare my blog - Dead. With a Capital D. Almost.
I missed an entire month. Again.
Dying. . .

I think its the heat. My skin's all dry - the Goa heat was unbearable. Yes. I went to IFFI. It was not that great. At least for me. I didnt get my pass until two days later. Talk about luck. Or not.
I dont want to talk about it. Or anything else.
And this is even true of real life. Now, I think I am dying. Fuck. What to do?

Btw, I wonder if you'll ever read this, El. If you do - Happy Birthday!!!