The Tag

A long lone overdue post.
The 8 random things tag. - from sthupit girl.
Rules:
1. List eight random - preferably wierd things about yourself
2. Tag 8 other people.
(I am not going to tag 8 other people cos very few people read my blog, now that its dead.)

Now..

a. I like to drink coffee.. normal - you think? Except I like it very cold. even on a cold rainy morning.

b. I like to play computer games like Diner Dash, Gish and Virtual Villagers. And I am not a hard core gamer - I just think these are fun.

c. My first word was 'kozhi' - thats 'chicken' in malayalam.

d. I am not into music that much. (I can already see all those mouths flying open) I just dont see what all the hype is about. Yes, I like songs and other varieties of noise made pleasurable to the ears. But I dont know the latest bands and singers and always have to think hard when people ask me 'what kind of music do you listen to?' even though I'll end up saying - 'music? not that much.'

e. I think my feet and hands are way way longer than I would have liked them. I dont care about the 'artistic' implications - it makes damn hard to find good shoes in my size. And its embarrassing for a girl when most of her guy friends can wear her floaters!! the long arms and legs I like - it makes for very little moving or strain to get stuff from that top-most ledge or from that place most people can only just touch.

f. I am secretly glad my parents are divorced - it makes for double the pocket money, double the-guilt-caused-pampering and double the security..

g. I broke my front tooth when I was 13. As a result I still dont know how to smile properly for photos.

h. I keep my watch fifteen minutes fast. Always.

Now for the tags..
MM (if you still read my blog), Vidhyuth, Kavya, Sush, Joe, Mukund, Arnold ( I know this one's not happening - but there's no one else who still blogs and hasnt been tagged yet!) and one random person who see this..

It scares me that I've run out of title ideas.

So many times there are moments when I feel how different my life would have been if certain incidents hadn’t happened. The ‘incidents’ vary every time. Most of the time I wish I had met somebody at a later or earlier point in my life. This time it’s a little different. I don’t claim to be a sanctimonious love-it-all, but never have I wished I’d not met a person. Even the most negative character in my life has been someone who at one point was a source of great joy and entertainment. This is the first time I wish I had never met someone.
And the worst part is, this person is not in the least the kind of person I would in, other circumstances, want to eschew from my life altogether. Its more a form of hopelessness, on my part. Like – ‘What’s the point of meeting this person?’
As seen from recent posts, certain relationships in my life have been time bombs waiting to self-destruct, except I wasn’t aware of impending explosion. And also seen from much less recent posts, I’ve also been prone to plenty of infatuations. None of them have lasted any length of time probably because I tire very easily. Most of them were very nice guys who, maybe given time or any hint of my emotions, would probably have made something happen. But.. there was no time and the ‘emotions’ disappeared very quickly.
I don’t know what the point of this post is. I just want to get some things off my chest.
Anyway one of those infatuations was a guy named K. He was so perfect. He played ball, he played the guitar, and he was tall, dark and handsome to boot! Anyway it was just an infatuation. And then voila, he asked me out! Maybe because it was the first time a guy took me to actual dates (before dates just constituted a walk in the playground), talked to me for hours on end (I had just got my phone!) and most of all – sang to me(for the first time, ever!), I fell hard. The fact that there were so many things about me that I didn’t have to explain because he knew all of it much before he asked me out, must have also figured high. None of it was conscious. Anyway it was not a very sensible relationship. I wasn’t mature enough to know he wasn’t mature enough. Familial disapproval, infidelity and insensitivity wrecked the shaky ship finally. I got over it, moved on, although I took a very long time. And now after almost two years, I find myself thinking about him very often. Still this is not the point.

At this point in my life when I have finished with one degree and moving onto the next, as clichéd as it sounds, I find myself at crossroads. There are not just two paths, but around four or five from which I have to choose. And I have just around a month to choose.

Oh, and as for the person I wish I’d never met? I think that’s the closest I will ever come to finding so much of myself in another person. And that’s why I wish I’d never had to face that. Because when I see myself reflected back in so much intensity – I realize what I could have been – in other circumstances.

What are the synonyms for 'Blah' ?

Being a teen is very hard. But being a post-teen adult seems to be harder. Technically I am not an ‘adult’ yet. My birthday’s only coming but since people always say I’m twenty years old (mostly my mother when she wants me to be more ‘responsible’!), I think it makes more sense to start thinking of myself as an adult. Lately I have come to realize that I have a problem with relationships.. No, no no.. Not ‘relationships’.. any relationship be it friendship, mother-daughter or between sisters. Or maybe because I have had problems in almost every sphere of relationship, I just sort of feel like I want to be left alone.
I haven’t written a post in a very long time. In fact I haven’t written anything in a very long time. Its quite sad, really. Even my mum tells her poet friends that her daughter ‘used’ to write poetry. So much for confidence in my mother’s belief in me! On the bright side, my cousin recently told me that she thought I should stick with journalism cos I write well.
That’s the thing, chech… anything that I am compelled to do, I lose interest in! Like academics.. as long as my parents were not bothered, I was fine.. doing very well (if I say so myself). When I came into college, it was expected of me to get outstanding marks, studying sort of lost its charm. Then blogging itself. I wasn’t the first blogger in my class, and definitely not the last. It was something I enjoyed a lot and I thought I was a pretty decent one at that. Then everyone expected me to blog, thought it was part of my character. It didn’t go with a bang.. just sort of faded out.. Still, evidently there is at least some left.
I thought I wanted to study after my degree.. Maybe do a PhD. I don’t know anymore…
Everything seems to be changing. A world where its possible for someone of average intelligence like me to get a 99% in what’s supposed to be a competitive exam, sure seems abnormal.
Yes. Unbelievable, isn’t it? Well, congratulations are welcome as both money and goods to my postal address…

P.S. – Did I mention that I’m smiling on my own a lot more? Guess that’s that..

Packing is so hard.
Why is it that I feel like as if I can blog only from Chennai?
When you care about a person a lot.. expectations crop up.. This is dangerous.. I have to learn to keep myself in control..
Sometimes parents are just people (courtesy - Vid)
Even when I'm happy there are pockets of sadness..
When everyone around me wants something I often feel happy with just the opposite - like the way I'm happy being single!! So many people expect to be in a relationship by the time they're out of college.. Most are. Those who are not - aim to be. Not me, though..

This blog is getting very famous.. Lol
My cousins seem to like it..
How they found out about it.. I dont know..
I'm glad they like it though.. Older sisters' approval is something special!

Feuds are nasty things. How much ever you try to stay away from them.. They permeate at some level.. Family feuds are the terrible-est.

When embarrassed, some people get hyperactive and babble a lot. Almost like they're drunk. What is the connection? The unexpected-ness tends to get one high? But embarrassment is not always unexpected. Strange.

Sayanora, Chennai..

You were home for more than half my life. You watched me grow into first a girl and then a troubled teenamd now i'm a doubtful twenty year old.. You saw my disappointments, felt my happiness, and gave me such a huge variety of friends - ranging from maniacal obsession to sweet monkey-boy.
And so many things have happened in the last fifteen years that I can no longer think of Chennai as just another city but as one where I lost, won and survived.

To all the people of Chennai who were some important parts of my life:

The auto annas - I just could not have survived without you guys. My major transport and first choice everytime I needed to reach somewhere on time..

The watchman of M.O.P. - What a guy! How much fun he must have detaining girls inside a place that was then, akin to jail!

My Adyar corner storekeeper - How many Lays have I bought from him in 11th and 12th counting out carefully scrounged and saved 50p coins!

The waiters of Sweet Chariot (one particular mustached grumpy-face): who were so used to us, they would hardly feel the need to get us the menu, or the orders. We were almost part of the scenery!

The managers of CookieMan: Other than marketing their product so well using mere olfactory advertising, these unique people unknowingly created so many situations in my life that were life changing.

The warden of WCH: Ma'am, I really hail your efficiency in managing the 250 girls in that hostel without any difficulty at all. And I promise I was not part of the mallu gang who put lime and chilli powder outside your door to make you think you're cursed!

The people at Satyam Cinema: So many movies.. Need I say more?

One particular police uncle: For creating the one memorable incident in my life which I will always associate with peeing in my pants.. almost..


To my friends in Chennai:
C'mon, guys.. quit saying that you will miss me! I will keep coming.. Its not like I'm completely moving out.. half my family is still here, for god's sakes!

Sinds - What am I going to do without you? Who'll tsk-tsk, scold and pinch my cheeks? :-( I love you, my funny sister-ish friend..
Ta - Why did we have to meet so late, monkey-boy? I'm leaving today and you're leaving tom.. I don't know if we'll keep in touch. But you better gimme that sketch in May.
Su - Gtalk rocks, babe. It will continue to rock, I hope! :-(
Sau - Journal pardner! What are we going to do to keep in touch?
Ka - Babe! You helped more than you know.. :-) love ya
Sha - What I owe you? It will come one day in the post and you'll quit nodding your head so knowingly thinking that its an empty promise.. :-) just gimme your address!
D, L, N - Thanks for being there. (although L and N dont know all this yet! I wonder how they'll react! Please gimme all details, D)
Ar - Sorry, da. I wish I had known earlier to tell you. It was sudden. Will miss you loads.
Adi - Will miss you. And esp your good morning msgs. Keep in touch.
M, A - Words are so not enough for what I feel. Really.

To other people I wish I knew personally (I almost feel I do.)
Mukund - Its a pity we never met. It would have been nice to know, vakil saar.
Sthupit girl - Girl! I never knew I would have to leave like this - all of a sudden.. I would have made sure I met you otherwise.. Keep me informed about Chennai.. and don't let your hair gray too much, grandma.

Anew.

I feel dead.
Numb inside.
Somethings can't be suppressed for too long for one, they are inevitable and two how much ever you try, it is obvious. And when you are faced with the looming reality towering tall, all you can possibly think of doing is allowing life to take its natural course...
(thanks, sush.)

Have you ever watched the stars come out at night? They come out one by one. Almost afraid to face the darkening sky and all those tiny two legged's peering up at it. When they finally come out, though, they shine to their brightest and twinkle happily forgetting their fears. How I wish I was like a star. Every night I'd get a new chance to prove myself.
As it is, I have lost many chances to insecurities, complexes and the subtle workings of my sub-conscious mind. I vow never again to let go of something that was precious and good because of some silly insecurity.
Oh. and I also vow never to write a post headed 'Doubts'. I have too many of those on my blog already.
Its time for the sun to set. A new day to begin. A new night to face. A new session of twinkling to do.

College is over. its the end of an era. I feel sad.
Sigh.


P.S. - Truman, you are right. I should give simplicity a shot. The only problem is that I am a drama queen. and I dont remember you! :-(

Doubts.

Its been so long since I wrote a proper post that I've forgotten how to start.

But things have been crazy lately. And from the response to my previous post.. I realize that only poor poor sthupit girl is reading my measly blog.. or bothering to comment at least.. It doesnt matter. In fact all the more reason to be happy.

When its time to leave a place, everyone becomes impatient. Especially is its somethign you're looking forward to. Everyone seems to get irritable and irritated. You start getting tired of taking the crap you took happily for three years.

Where that's most obvious right now, is in the 'always-supposed-to-be-ever-fresh-and-green' area - Friendship.

In spite of all the cheesy forwards one recieves saying its supposed to last forever, it just wont, will it? Nothing does. I've already lost touch with friends I meet everyday.
I mean.. we talk, we see each other every day just like before. but it isnt the same. and that scares me. because, it feels like being trapped. Suddenly their glaring faults seem all the more obvious and all the more irritating, the tiniest things tend to spark off the sickest fights, and suddenly I've discovered that I want to do many things other than 'hang out' or watch that 'great' movie. And what scares me even more is not that I love them any less (I dont love them any less) but the fact that I seem to be the only one feeling like this.

Is it because of the differentness? the lack of sameness?

Maybe I should explain (to whom?).. I study in this typical X-type college which has a lot of typical X-type students. I am (fortunately?) a Y. But my aforesaid beloved friends are all X.
Of course religion, caste, and community (all of it - X) do NOT matter to me. I did after all choose them as my friends. There were non-X type people available as well... but.. well but.
But my point is that its stifling now. The lack of space. The taken-for-grantedness. Their know-it-all, my-little-universe-is-the-whole-world attitude.

Sigh. But they've been there for me throught thick and thin, maybe not always doing to me as I would have done to myself (I would have been harsher), but still staying by me, listening to my woes and to my cribbing.. I love them really, I do. If it were not for them I wouldnt be sane.

And now, is it just my sick imagination, or do I feel that spend any more time with them and I'll go insane?


Am I a bitch?

and now I realize this isnt even a proper post. sigh.

Revival.. hopefully..

A month!
A whole month without blogging.
and just after my blog became a year old too!
Well.. saying 'I've been busy' would be an understatement. I looked at my blogger profile a minute ago. It's so messy. I have four blogs!! FOUR. What does that say of me? That I'm obsessed? or that I manage to overdo everything to such an extent that I tire very easily? The truth is.. I got tired of blogging way back in October. but I kept at it.

I hate mosquitoes. They serve no purpose whatsoever.
I hate being tied down to any relationship. even if that is friendship. Why should any relationship I have, exist out of a feeling of obligation rather than an actual want on my part?
Why should a commitment for a month mean a commitment for a year?
Why can't parents understand their children?
Why do fathers know when their daughters have cried?
Why do people you barely know touch you in some deep way you dont understand?
Why do I wish I'd never told anyone about this blog?
Why do I find no meaning in living the way I'm living now?
Why should it mean anything to me after so much of crap?
Why do I not know if it means anything to me, in the first place?
Why do I have so many unanswered, unspeakable questions?

Sigh.
I hope no one reads this post.
I'd rather not deal with the complications that come out of personally knowing a majority of my readers. Its so easy to run away from everything.
Its so easy to run away from the realization that valentine's day didnt hurt me as much as I thought it would. Because if I have to face that realization, it means I have to also realize that I'm out of depression. If I'm not depressed.. then I have to lose all the weight I gained from sympathy eating.
If I want to lose weight.. I need to first deal with the fact that I'm not actually eating much of anything nowadays and the truth is food nauseates me. Then I need to also deal with the fact that not one soul other than me has realized that I'm not eating anything. not my parents. not my family. not my friends. and I dont even make an effort to lie or cover up.

Complex shit.

A Letter

To the Snob.

I hated you.
I hated you when you looked down on me because my task was menial compared to yours. And the fact that at least this time, you looked 'at' me didnt make a difference.
I hated you when you showed me again and again how superior to me, you were.
I hated you when I looked out of that window, wondering why in the world I took up your offer when the only reason you offered it at all was to feel superior. I wanted to back out so many times. But I didnt.

I still hate you.
I hate the fact that you gave me one word answers when I tried to start the proverbial conversational ball rolling. More than once.
I hate the fact that I felt uncomfortable in your world, while you felt right at ease in mine.
I hate the fact that every time you look at me and smirk your condescending smile, your eyes are mocking me and you're screaming in your head - "LOSER".

All this because I am not or ever will be part of that part of the universe that you think is yours.
I hate you.
I hate myself as well. Because somewhere down in my heart, I know fully well that I admire you. And I cant stand that.

Feeling Cold

You know how when you're on the verge of liking something or someone, something happens to put you off? When you look back and think - "Dang it! That could have been someone who I need around me now and what did I do? Pushed them away!" ?
No? Never felt that way?
Well, I almost did. You have no idea how close a call it was. But sometimes, when you're on the verge of being put off by something or someone... something happens.
Except now.. I wonder if the other person is looking back and thinking "Dang it!... "
Sometimes, its easy to fall into a crush. Or back into love. Or melt into comfortable, familiar depression. Especially when you're as terrified of change as me.
I'm scared. Something big seems to be looming ahead.
All this restfulness, the lethargy of yesterday seems to have been the calm before the storm.

When did every moment become such a burden and living through the day become such utter torture?

True Sisters

She stood at the door
Undecided, hesitant, glancing,

Her bags in her hands, then back at the room.
New and fresh, yet old with spurned memories.
Should she or shouldn’t she?
The cost of her thoughts - her whole life ahead.
There was nobody around.
Now was her chance, to steal away like a thief.

She listened to the ticking clock,
Harrying her nerves with every second,
She dropped to the floor then, heaving with tears.
Knowing she couldn’t leave
She would never leave. She was trapped;
Her vision: A free deer caught by its own antlers
In a low tree branch –
Her traitorous snaring thoughts.
She loved him. How could she leave?
She hated him. How could she not?

A key turned in the door.
She sat there, waiting, tarrying.
The footsteps coming closer every second
Each a frozen instant of fear.

A dark shape crowded the door
Saying nothing – watching.
‘You wanted to leave?’ the final ironic question.
She mutely shook her head.
‘You would leave me?’ the accusing blaming voice.

She looked up at the taunting face
Hating herself for loving it.
‘You have changed. I don’t know why.
You scold, scream and yell. I only cry’
She thought but did not say
Fear crowding her mind once again.

He pulled her up, glared at her silent plea
‘You want to go? Why?’
She didn’t know what to say..
The doorbell - her saviour, clanged in urgency.
He left her there gaping, swallowing
Trying to breathe as the door opened.

‘Sis? What happened?’ she heard him ask
Between sobs not unlike those she’d shed before,
His sibling’s whisper – ‘I couldn’t stand it, anymore’
She said before he could ask.
‘He speaks harsh words. Does harsh things
I just needed to leave'

A burst of anger unleashed.
Envy for courage greater than hers.
The smirk of irony, through it all.
She listened quietly, standing behind him.
Watching him take it in – like a mirror.
Hearing her own thoughts – from another’s mouth.

Her own curved into a paradoxical arc.
‘Why do you smile? Do you find this funny?’
The other spoke, shocked at her callousness
And her brother’s silent frown.

Glancing at him, turning towards her,
She said slowly yet surely,
At last finding her voice,
‘It is now, we are truly sisters.’

The other day, my sister was watching some silly thing on Pogo. Pogo is such a silly channel. (Still its the one channel everyone at home has to watch - else my brat of a sister will make a huge fuss with teary eyes and a runny nose - yes, I know how cute she looks. She isnt really all that adorable. I mean, we arent even allowed to talk when Tom and Jerry is on even if its an episode she's watched a hundred times on DVD!)
I asked her, politely, if she'd let me have the remote she was hugging(hogging?) cos I just wanted to see something for a minute and I promised I'd let her have it back(fat chance!). Well she's too clever for me, now and refused to give it.
I had two options.
1. Wait patiently by her side until she let guard down.
2. Grab it from her forcefully - this almost never works. Even if I do happen to get the remote(which is not easy - five year olds are really vicious) she starts crying and I have to give it back. Sigh.

So I waited. And then Pogo in a rare show of brilliance put on Snow White, the cartoon movie (surprising since Harry Potter is the ONLY movie they actually put on - for May 'movie magic', and Diwali Dhamakha and August something something... yes, I know the names of the silly program schedules. How pathetic is that? Well - you try having a five year old sister who wont eat or sleep without watching Noddy or Oswald. )

As I was watching Snow White, I was watching my sister's reactions to what was happening onscreen. She was so engrossed and involved in the movie, and except to look at me, occassionally and ask 'nice, no? you like the movie?' patronisingly that was cute in a way, she didnt take her eyes off the tv.
Sitting there watching her watch the movie, I wondered where she would be in fifteen years (that would make her 20) and what she would be doing.
Then I realised in fifteen years, I would be bloody 34.
And I dont want to think about what I would be doing then.
Sigh... 14 years is a long gap between sisters. She'll never think of me as a sister - prolly as some sorta aunt. Poor kid.

Scratch that - poor me! When I'm 35, I'll have kids who look upto my sister as a sister.
Phew! How screwed up is that?

English, I tell you!

Men-struation.
Men-arche.
Men-opause.

If you're thinking this is going to be a feminist post.. well, I dont know yet. It may become one.
What the hell is wrong with this world where a woman's important bilogical functions all begin with 'men' ? Except 'Pregnancy' which is the only one where Men have anything to do with it at all.
And what's with the similarity between the words 'menstruation' and 'mensuration' anyway?
Two wholly different things altogether..
Well, dictionary.com says that 'menstrual' is Latin for 'monthly'. WhatEVA!

Wonder why people say that. 'whatever' means 'anything that'. But Dictionary.com also adds this meaning to it - used to indicate indifference to a state of affairs, situation, previous statement, etc.

Now you're probably thinking I should stop with going on about words.

Diwali Showers!

The rains have arrived!!! And as always just in time for Deepawali!!!

This year has been one hot sweltering bunch of months. After last year's long bout of heavy and incessant showers, it was not a surprise that 'kathiri - masam' this year was hotter than most years. That's how Chennai rolls – from one extreme to the other.

The rains of 2005 were the highest in the last decade; while the years before that - 2003 and 2004, were very very dry.
With power cuts due to water logging, flooded roads and houses, suspended trains, the angry monsoon took the lives of over ten thousand people. Even though Chennai is mostly a hot, dry city, the rains are welcomed with open arms and dirty feet by most people.

If only nature would have better timing! Every year, Diwali time is 'fire-cracker time', 'sweets time', 'new clothes time' and in Chennai, sadly, 'rain time'.

'Rain time' doesn't always negate crackers and fireworks. Invariably and incredibly the rain always stops exactly on Diwali letting everyone have their fun bursting crackers, lighting deepams or buying new clothes, as the case might be. (My personal preference, though, is eating the heavenly homemade sweets!)

And after all the noises of the Festival of Lights go quiet, the rains come down again, with a vengeance, as if to wipe the city clean of all the litter and smoke.

Although many righteous people might claim that bursting fire-crackers is to ignore a lot of issues like Child Abuse, Noise Pollution, Air Pollution, etc... Even they will have to admit, that with this year's rate of occurrence of Chicunguniya in the city, one good thing about the fireworks is that we will happily bid goodbye to Chennai's own pet creatures – the mosquitoes, at least for some time. All this, of course, is at the mercy of the whims of nature and the abetment of the heavy rains.

Now, before my computer shuts down – it's showing all signs of doing so at the rapid fluctuation in voltage corresponding to the intensity of the deluge outside, I better post this. As I am saved (again by the lovely showers, which receive no thanks from my mother) from taking the trouble to put laundry out for drying, I will curl up in bed, listening to Radio Mirchi while reading a book. What about college, you ask? Well, it's been cancelled due to the heavy rains!!!

Cross-posted at Chennaiist

another one

I've decided to start a new blog.

Sometimes pictures do speak louder than words...

Ha ha ha !

Its such a relief.
Its gone.
I'm back on familiar ground.
I finally did it.
Cut my hair so short I cant even tie it up!
Bangalore may have bad roads, be too cold for my linking and may make me sneeze too many times. But it still brought me back to my senses.
all my life except for the last three -four years, I've had short hair..
and now.. I am a liberated woman again!
How glad I am that I dont look bald anymore!

Getting a haircut is so different from any other renewal experience like a new wardrobe or makeover or anything.. just the act of cutting one's hair makes one feel fresher, rejuvenated and ready to face life again..
So what if my dad disapproves? So what if its too unmanageable for hot, sweaty Chennai? At least I dont look like I am 25 when I'm only 19!!!

Yeah!!! I am so soo happy, nowadays, I darent think about it (or blog) too much, for fear of my new found contentment going up in a puff of smoke...

Love my hair! Love my life!
But I still dont love exams which pull me back down to earth with a harsh jolt.
Just three more days till 'free-bird' time! almost...
But complete freedom comes only in six months.. when I'll be done with this degree.. done with this college.. and done with everything thats grown so tiresome in these three looooong years!
So close yet so far!

Finally!

What do I have to do if I dont want someone linking to my blog?
Is there some way to remove it other than changing my url or directly asking them?

These few days have been hell...
Thankfully I am going on a holiday.
A well deserved break at last! Even if it is only for 2 days.. I will be far away from college, home and other things I'd rather not think about..

A few other things..
The G Talk status wars have declined. thankfully! it was getting a bit too much.

Some things have happened that make me feel like quitting blogging altogether. Whats the point really? but I have no heart to delete this blog. And if I dont delete it, I might as well write. Its going to be a year. And that scares me more than you know.

A few people I didnt credit with a lot of creativity have surpassed all expectations. Suffice to say that stories involving balconies and pipe climbing have impressed me so much that other tales of transfers and eating binges fall short.

Caught up with a friend after a long time. Missed her a bit more than I thought I did. She managed to shock me too. And tempt me. And scare me. Smoking is very fascinating to watch.

Quite cheerful, I am these days... I am proud of myself for not cracking under pressure and god knows there has been enough and more of that...

Well.. Bangalore awaits!

a big tip...

The spoon stopped mid-air. Just before the dripping wet ice cream reached her lips.
"What ?"
He looked away, embarrassed. Whether for her or himself, he didn’t know.

“What did you say?”

“I asked if you are a virgin.”

The spoon went back into the bowl.

Hands whipped up the napkin as she leaned back into her seat and smiled sadly.

“And I thought you were different.”

“What’s so wrong about asking you if you are one?”

“Why is it so important to you?”

“Well.. Erm.. ” He didn’t know what to say. It wasn’t going as well as he thought it would. Quite the opposite actually.

“I don’t get you chauvinists. All of you are the same. Irrespective of who the guy is, it always comes back to that single question. ‘Am I a virgin or not!?!’ Well. What if I am not? Will you tell mama and papa to stop the wedding? Will you change your mind because I have had sex before? Hell! You probably have had ten times more sex than me!”

“Actually I haven’t.”

“What?”

“I said ‘I haven’t.’” He sighed. It seemed like his future bride was going to be deaf during important conversations. It was going to be tiresome having to repeat everything he said.

“I haven’t had sex before. I am a virgin. That’s why I asked you.”

“Oh… I see… Well, I haven’t either.” She looked down. This time he was embarrassed for her. “I... I am sorry. I shouldn’t have yelled at you.” She looked into his face, earnestly.

“Oh well. It’s okay. A lot of men are assholes. I am one too. Just not about virginity.”

Paying the bill as he stood up, he motioned for her to get up. As they walked away from the table, the waiter stared at the unfinished bowl of strawberry ice cream and the exorbitant tip. He looked up to see the last of his most generous customers of the day and silently thank him. The man looked back and winked at the waiter while guiding the girl towards the exit. Two fingers on his left hand were crossed...

Onam!

Guess what I did yesterday?
We celebrated Onam!!!
I know its too early .. there are two more days left.. but its the weekend and so much more convenient.

The great thing about Onam is that its secular. Its for ALL malayalees and not just for hindus or christians or muslims.. EVERYONE celebrates onam.. And there's such lovely fooood!!!

One of the first things that come to my mind when I think about Onam is the 'sadhya'!! thats the huge elaborate meal.. on banana leaf.. We dont have many 'leaf' meals at home. Except at weddings..And Onam and sometimes Vishu (in spite of us not being hindus we celebrate it, once in a while).
This year, we also decided to put a 'pookalam' which would be a kind of flower carpet or a flower 'kolam'. For a pookalam, there needs to be 'poo's! So I was sent out to buy some flowers. And I went grumbling, because of all e`rrands and chores, I hate 'buying stuff' the most.
Since we live in Besant Nagar and since for the past week or so, Besant Nagar and Elliot's Beach has been invaded by hordes of religious devotees of the Vellankani church, i grumbled even more.
But because of the loads of shops lining the roads, spotting a flower shop shouldnt be that difficult, I thought. It turned out that most people buy flowers only right next to the church, so I had to walk my way through the huge temporary shopping arcade to the other end. I was, unwisely, wearing jeans and t-shirt, so I hope I didnt scandalise too many aunties.. I did, however, hugely enjoy looking at all the shops on either side and admiring how prices fall at festival times.. and half wished that fab-india, which was also on the same road had also joined in and slashed their rates as well in the spirit of festivity!!!

When I finally reached the shop, the lady who was staring down at me (they erect platforms that come upto shoulder height for those shops adjoining the church - i dont know why!- the result is very disconcerting). The Lady who was staring down at me, pretty much figured out that I wasnt here to go to church, I thought, because nothing else could explain her frightful glaring. When I asked for some flowers (uthiri poo - loose flowers), she asked me what flowers. I did study Botany in school, but I really didnt know the names of the flowers, except for rose and 'mulla'(jasmine) in tamil! She was very irritated at my hesitation, so I pointed to some garlands hanging nearby and said that I wanted some loose flowers which were yellow and looked like this. She, was now very annoyed, because there was a huge line of other people behind me (who were also glaring at me), who I think she prioritised over me, because they were genuine. After I guiltily let one couple in front of me, I saw her smile at them and decided that I would not give way anymore. Finally I got her to understand what I wanted and she gave me 2 huge packetfuls of flowers (the colors all mixed up!) and I made my way back home.
Excited to start the 'pookalam' I forgot to crib about my harried experience and me and my lil sister started work. As much as I really do hate 'buying stuff', I love 'doing stuff' just as much. It was fun and I love the result.. We did two pookalams and the green leaves are from a nearby tree. Here they are.

After that I had bath and changed into my onam salwar (;) - yes I do have an 'onam' salwar) and sat down hungry for the 'sadhya' which, by the way, was the most amazing ever! Vegetarian food never tasted that good!